Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Fully Repaired


hi mom, it's nice to see you 
I don't mean to bother
but I just wanted to remind you
that I'm your daughter

I love you very much
and I love my sister too
but you never acknowledge 
that I'm your daughter too

sister wins a medal
sister gets love
I win a trophy
I don't even get a hug

am I that bad a child
that your so ashamed of me?
I try to do good
I try to make you proud of me
I accomplish things that have never been done before

but still you love sister way more 

I wish you were there
I wish, to you I was special
but I haven't heard that 
no I haven't heard that not ever
and the only reason why 
is because you think sister is better


My fears

I can't take the pain 
I can't take the tears 
I can't take the fears 
Whispering in my ears 
Every day its an all out attack  
I want to experience something new 
But my fears keep holding me back 
I want to live my life to the ultimate fullest 
No what if this 
Or what if that 
No fears pushing me back 
Just me living my life 
Yes me living my life to the ultimate fullest 



Light of Hope

Darkness is where I stand
so dark I can't even see my hand
my eyes shaded with black
because of the light that I lack

don't know where i'm going 
can't see what i'm doing
and with every move 
my chest is heavily pounding

with the sound of each breath
im feeling so much closer to death

yet in the distance 
is light what i see?
that light, it's shining straight towards me

with a flash, a man appears
walks up to me
removes my tears
fights away my fears
and says dont worry my child
for you I will always be here.

he extends his hand all the way
and says come with me I know the way


am I invisible
am I not here
do I exist
or am I not real

you act like you don't see me

like I was never there
pushed aside
you made me more invisible than air

but when I vanish

suddenly I'm known
you look for me 
but now you're alone

I was here but you chose not to look

I didn't matter to you
I knew by just one look

one question that is asked on and on 

why do people notice you
the second you're gone?

a gift from above

a gift from above
is a gift like no other
you can use it for yourself
or use it to change another
you can inspire the hearts of many
or just do nothing and not inspire any


one thing about me
is that all my life
Society has always treated me Differently

Since childhood,
ive dealt with Everything from
being picked on because of my shoe size
having girls constantly call me ugly 
people staring for no reason
to being laughed at simply because of what im wearing 

till this day, I just can't understand 
what it is about me that make people react
that way
Everywhere I go, I get the same Dirty looks
and the same smirks and laughter

people who don't know me
assume they know me
and have the audacity
to profile me
and in there mind
make me out to be some kind of monster

its to the point that now sometimes
whenever im around other people
without wanting to, I start getting
panic attacks. even the depths of my soul
begin to tremble

Everytime morning draws near
going out in public has become my greatest fear

they say you got to give respect to get respect.
im sorry, but I kinda find that funny
because no matter how much respect i try to give,
that phrase just never seems to work for me

I Might as well get a Tattoo of a thousand
footprints going all across my back
to symbolize how many times I have allowed
all of Society to outnumber me
slam me to the ground,stomp all over me
then drag me to a dumpster
shove me in it 
and throw me out like crap

and the frustrating thing is, if I stand up
what Happens?
later on somebody wants to walk up to me and tell me
im in the wrong.

the whole world can speak their mind 
the whole world can voice their opinion
but if I speak up for myself
I get told to shut up
and go back to not existing

whats it feel like to always be made fun of my foot problems?

whats it feel like to always be the guy that people just love to laugh at for no reason?

whats it feel like to always be a damn joke to everybody?

whats it feel like to love the ladies so much but no matter how precious I see them or how valuable they are to me. all my life, ive had to constantly have all the ladies call me ugly? to where there was a time in my life that whenever i walked by a mirror I wanted to cover my face in shame and terror

whats it feel like?
picture this

someone with no remorse, pulling the trigger of a high powered state of the art machine gun 
and having 100 Billion bullets shot straight towards your chest 
with no hesitation

but the bullets peirce your heart in slow motion

thats what it feels like.

so I ask 1 question 
can someone,anyone
please explain to me 
how many more times
do I have to Endlessly walk through the fires of Hell

for Society to stop Laughing at me
and Finally take me seriously

Mystery girl

mystery girl if only you knew
what I felt the second I saw you

you entered my world and my heart stopped

seeing you standing there, my blood pressure dropped

can't believe what I'm seeing

your presence reached the inner depth of my feeling

if only you knew how I felt

if only I had the courage to tell you

oh mystery girl if only you knew 

that the girl I'm talking about is you