Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Who I was vs who I am

There comes a time in life that creates a strife
where Who you once were is in constant battle with who you are now

I want to be who i used to be careless and free
But times and situations
have changed
and after a few trials hardships and hard learned lessons
I made a vow to be who I need to be now

One voice says,
LET'S GO BACK! It was so much fun before
Walking out the door
Nothing was important
Living carelessly everyday
Doing stupid things all day long
Who cares if something goes wrong

but another says,
this is a new season
And in order to embrace this new season
You need to listen to reason
You cannot do it by being who you were before
And If you try, it will be like commiting treason
Against yourself with no hesitation.

Don't loose your concentration
You've fought long and hard
To lay down this foundation.

Throw it all away for one more day
Of used up thrill and cheap adrenaline?
Or press forward as an improved and better person
With renewed vision and motivation
For a better life of purpose,contentment adventure and satisfaction

This struggle is real
This is how i feel
It was fun while it lasted
But I have to grow up now
And look past it

A time will come when We all have to give up things that we dont want to
But afterwards in return
we get back something much more better and more brand new
This I tell you is true

Dearly departed
The old adventure is over
But the new one
Has only just started

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

GOD, I'm sorry

when I was young I dreamed of a better life
by this time I thought that I would have kids and a wife
but things didn't turn out as planned

I messed up in school
got banned
now I'm an uneducated fool

I became lazy
so I never lasted long enough at a job for them to promote me
I never learned to defend myself
so now everyone walks all over me

how I wish that some day GOD would answer my prayers
so that I no longer feel like I'm living in a loophole nightmare
and make me better
so that I no longer cry when I stare at myself in the mirror

GOD, I'm sorry I've wasted so much of my life
I'm sorry I'm not the person you wanted me to be
but maybe with your grace
there could still be a fighting chance for me
to become the greatness that you see in me

please forgive my sins
as I try to forgive the sins others have done to me
please help me live a better life of peace, abundance, and tranquility

I admit I was in the wrong
I need your grace 
I need your love
to help me repair my life
and be the man
you designed me to be all along

GOD, I'm sorry I hurt you

-Elliott- 

Thursday, January 12, 2017

The American soldier


You sacrifice being away 
from your family for months at a time
So that at any given time
I could be able to spend time with mine



You sacrificed being able to see your first child being born
So that I could witness seeing mine
hearing your child's first word
So that I could hear mine
And having your child walk for the first time into your arms 
So that I could have my child walk into mine



You patrol dangerous borders and fight endless wars on the frontlines and confines of other countries through all hours of the night 
So that back in the states 
 my family and I can sleep peacefully and protected at night



You go into battle 24/7 wearing one uniform all year around
So that I have the freedom to wear whatever I want 24/7 all year around



You've had to suffer 
by seeing the worst that war has to offer
And despite the horrors 
you still manage to have the ability
To get up each day and pray
For the courage and bravery to endure it all again today



I'll never be worthy to wear the uniform you wear
Nor endure the things you endure
But one thing I know to be true
I live in freedom 
And it's all thanx to the great and ultimate sacrifice 
From all the uniformed men and women like you

When we met (super short love story)

I used to think love was a fairy tale

A Thing of detailed fantasy stories 
about love that always prevails


Yes I've had relationships before where I thought I was in love


That's it she's the one there's no-one else

Where I felt that being with this person is a must
But as time went on, I realized I wasn't in love I was in lust

Which is no surprise to anyone that it never lasted
All my relationships always ended up in a relationship casket


But one day, the unpredictable happened. 


I saw you and my heart experienced something new
I couldn't explain it but I felt it rush through me like a speeding comet

It wasn't a lustful desire like I've felt with previous girls
No, on the contrary, it was a feeling of longing, of wanting but not lusting


I didn't know who you were but in seconds your beauty captivated me.

And When you looked at me,
 Your eyes made me feel like I was soaring through the endless skies. 

I couldn't explain what I was experiencing at that moment

But it was something deeper and 

more 
profound

                                               than anything I've ever experienced before

And the reason why that experience was so unexplainable

Than anything I've ever experienced before

Is because at that moment when you looked at me

And I looked at you

You were giving me the same look of awe and fascination


That I was giving you

I'll be there "Dedicated to a special friend of mine".


whenever times get rough and the journey becomes tough
Whenever you feel down and all you can do is frown
Whenever life gets messy and it begins driving you crazy


On the day you feel alone, 
I'll pick you up when you don't have the strength to stand on your own.

When you go through hard times that have been going on a long while
Even if I make an ass of myself,

 I'll try my best to find a way to make you smile

I'll fight along side you.
I'll walk with you
I'll comfort you
I'll protect you
I'll make you smile

this poem is Dedicated to a special friend of mine 
who's going through tough times
I'm here for you

Friday, December 23, 2016

When I saw her

I was in a world of darkness
that fed off my depression and madness
for me, there was no light
no will to fight

until one day 
just when I felt all hope was lost
and all I could feel is unimaginable fright
you walked into my life
and as I saw your face for the first time
the darkness around began to convert into love and light

you were the most beautiful woman I have ever seen
the image of  you burned in my heart and my inner being
I can't stop desiring you
I can't stop dreaming of you
I feel like I can overcome the darkness of the underworld
by just the single thought of you

I need your lips to embrace my lips
I want to engulf you with my eternal love 
I need you in my arms
I need you when I sleep
my beautiful girl, for all eternity you are the one I want to keep

don't ever be afraid 
I will guard you safely in my heart
I'll fight away your enemies
I will proudly and courageously fight for your honor 
I will be your shield your helmet your sword
I will be your entire armor

I'de proudly lay down my life for you my love
because to me you are worth an honorable death
I would happily accept death
as long as your safe above

I love you mi amor


Monday, December 5, 2016

this is for

this is for
 the invisible
 who are constantly overlooked and never appreciated
and feel like their hearts are pierced by a sharp dagger
because no one tells them that they matter
and if ever anyone does notice them
they feel it's nothing short of an unreal miracle

this is for
the Bullied
who get picked on without explanation
instead of getting to know us
no, they chase us, disgrace us, beat us, embarrass us
on a daily basis

this is for
the disabled 
who have people harass them because of their challenge
instead of doubting,discriminating and judging
society should fill their mind with knowledge
and give the disabled credit because they can still manage their disadvantage

I am the invisible
I am the Bullied
I am the disabled
as you can see
this poem is for others like me




Wednesday, November 9, 2016

shackles

this great misery that weighs down on me
shackles chaining me to the floor
restricting me from being free
darkness all around stealing my ability to see

I look to the skies with tears in my eyes 
crying out for a rescuer, a helper, a savior, 
anyone or anything that can save me from this repetitive mind numbing torture
the torture of seeing everyone else be as free and happy as can be
living there lives
working at their dream job
finding true love
starting a family

but I'm here day after day
 year after year
entrapped in emotional shackles
experiencing an ocean of agony

with each day wasting away 
no hope, no purpose, no future
no nothing, except this constant torture

I dream and pray, of the day 
when I finally find the key 
to release me 
from these horrid shackles
so I can finally run away

yes run

and begin living the life I should have been living
since day one

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

(haiku)

our relationship
the beginning of our relationship was "I like you".
the middle was "I love you".
the end was "I hate you".
night sky
the peaceful night sky 
the sound of crickets in bushes nearby
the warm breeze that flows by

Saturday, November 5, 2016

lonely breeze

lonely breeze flowing over seas
past the rocks
and through the trees

the sights that you see visually astound any who see
flying through warm fields and meadows
soaring over mighty mountains
as high as the eye can see

how great it must be 
flying free as can be
seeing places only wind can see

yet lonely it must be
being the only one that free
wishing you could show others
the magnificence that you see

Friday, November 4, 2016

the monster that isn't a monster

"t



the monster that isn't a monster
is treated like a monster
because he was born with a birth defect that he didn't ask for

if people only knew how much his heart shatters
but to everyone else, it never matters
when people constantly stare without any care

no one comes to his rescue
not one person didn't even try
while he's there being pointed at and laughed at 
everyone else nearby turned a blind eye

because of the cruelty of society
his heart isn't even a heart anymore
it's been crushed to pieces as it lays there 
 beyond repair

but no one cares

all they see is a monster who isn't a monster

he tries to show that he's still human
but no one gives him a chance 
and because of that, the anger and hatred 
is now beginning to consume him

one of these days,
because of the way people treat him
the monster that isn't a monster
will become a monster
and they will all regret the moment that they awoke with him





Thursday, November 3, 2016

The woman on the grass



The woman on the grass
Just laying there letting time pass
Without a care in the world
To her worry and anxiety 
are a thing of the past


With eyes closed She embraces the soft summer wind Passing over her body
She embodies Nature's peaceful beauty
Almost as if they are both combined
As if she was part of the original design


Her eyes lost among the skies 
Searching through the endless galaxies
Like as if they aren't held down by the laws of gravity


How peaceful she must feel
How relaxing it must be
I bet if she had the opportunity
She would lay there for eternity

Friday, October 28, 2016

restored memories

an ocean without water cannot compare to how empty my mind was
every childhood memory vanished with no trace
my most precious life moments mysteriously erased

that first bike ride 
alongside the cityside

that first ride in a car
that made me feel like a shooting star

that first favorite movie 
that deeply moved me

that first kiss
that felt like a mega lightning storm of passionate bliss

it was all gone,no explanation.just gone
I focused endlessly day after day
but to no avail, the memories Vanished to the unknown far far away
I lost all hope
my faith became so small 
that in order to see it you now needed a telescope

then one day while drowning in my misery and pity
to my shock and surprise
a feeling surged through me
and I saw images flash through my mind
that brought back familiar feelings

it was all back
every precious memory
 I thought was forever lost to me
has finally returned to me
 once again allowing me to feel happy

the wind through my hair
the rush of moving at high speed 
the electric madness when those lips touched me
plus many more memories have returned to me

this is the story of restored memories






Tuesday, October 25, 2016

prepare for betrayal

I now see through the facade of people
pretending to be loyal
but when a price is involved
well then prepare for betrayal

I love you. they say,
but when someone better than you comes along
it's a treachery
that in the matter of a second
 you become a faint empty memory
a used up accessory
with the words "you never mattered to me"
inscribed on it
left on a dirt road
while people walk by and say what a pity
and laugh at your former glory

now you're all alone, your heart shattered and rusted
all because you trusted
so like I said
I now see through the facade of people
pretending to be loyal
but when a price is involved
well then prepare for betrayal


Sunday, October 16, 2016

something new



my life is a rerun 
that I can't seem to escape from

every day is the same routine and the same actions
I wish one day I could wake up and it will all be different
new things to do, new things to experience
but each day no matter how much I try,beg and plead
I never notice a difference

what an agony to waste away 
constantly repeating over the same day
my heart intensely craving the desire of having a better life 
one where I love to wake up in the morning 
 where waking up doesn't feel like I got stabbed with a knife

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

My desire

I desire you like my body desires air
To feel your lips upon mine
Is my toxic fascination
To have you is my only prayer

To give you my love
Would be celestial bliss and liberation
Your embrace is my eternal heaven
Your voice is my eternal addiction

I promise never to hurt you
I promise to be all you ever need me to be
I promise to carry you when you're weak
I promise to always keep you safe as can be

Just let me love you
Let me make you mine
I'll be good to you
Even after the end of time

Monday, September 26, 2016

a silent prayer


Sunday, September 25, 2016

the Reflection


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Fully Repaired


sister



hi mom, it's nice to see you 
I don't mean to bother
but I just wanted to remind you
that I'm your daughter


I love you very much
and I love my sister too
but you never acknowledge 
that I'm your daughter too

sister wins a medal
sister gets love
I win a trophy
I don't even get a hug

am I that bad a child
that your so ashamed of me?
I try to do good
I try to make you proud of me
I accomplish things that have never been done before

but still you love sister way more 

I wish you were there
I wish, to you I was special
but I haven't heard that 
no I haven't heard that not ever
and the only reason why 
is because you think sister is better